X-men debacles

Like many other Americans, I went and participated in going to the cinema and watching the "Most Anticipated Mutant Movie of the Summer." Unfortunately, I was disappointed. Whenever you have Will.I.Am from the Black Eyed Peas in the cast, you really shouldn't expect much. But enough about that. If you actually read this thing, I am going to start posting my movie reviews weekly and give my synopsis. Wolverine would get a three out of five. Three of what exactly? I am not sure. I will think of something clever next time I am sitting on the pot.

I got the second X-men movie on cable this weekend and was surprised at how well the recent Wolverine film tied into it. As of fan of the X-men comics, I have always thought the movies were kind of a joke, minus the second one, which was bad ass. You might ask why? Mainly because there was a lot more of Jean Grey, and a lot less of Storm. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't kick Halle Berry out of my bed, but her in white hair isn't really appealing. Especially if the curtains match the carpet. I would look up and say, "White hair? How old is this?"

Within the movie, I get to see the cute Anna Paquin be all sexually frustrated over the Iceman. They are constantly dealing with the fact that Iceman might die if they have a more than a three second make out session. Then I got to thinking, which is the whole point of this blog, Why the hell didn't they skip the foreplay and go right to the business. She is cute, and there is something about the white strip in her hair (And she looks young so I know her stuff an old, so get off my ass Storm). If they practice safe sex, there shouldn't be a problem. Trojans should come up with an ad, "So safe, we can even keep Iceman alive." The condom would be the ultimate barrier.

Of course, you are thinking that they are still going to be touching. But I have thought this one out too. Iceman just needs to go to the local Harley Davidson shop and buy some chaps and some bicker gloves. Yeah, he couldn't make out with her while they are getting it on, and he wouldn't be able to get a blow job. Man, that would probably be the best blow job ever. If she can suck the life out of your face, imagine what she can do to your pecker.

And another note, I should have watched Obsessed instead of seeing the Soloist. I have a huge crush on Ali Larter. She is awesome on Heroes, and I get a hard on for any attractive chick that can kick my ass. But once I got to thinking about it, that movie is a documentary on Jay-Z. He has hot chicks around him all the time and I am sure they would do anything he asked. (I could make a comment on how he is a successful, hard working black guy and how hard that must be for a jungle fever loving chick to find, but that would be wrong.) Besides, the chicks that want his nuts are probably crazy, psycho, or really messed up in the head. Plus, he gets to go home to Beyonce. How could you cheat on her? Well if he did, he better take some advice from an old friend of mine, look her straight in the eye and start blaming the devil for tempting you. Worked every time for him.