Daytona 500

So today was a huge day for racing fans. The beginning of the racing season was kicked off with one of the most well known races, the Daytona 500. As a Sportscenter commentator said "Watch the most exciting left turns in all of sports."

I have never really understood the fascination with Nascar, and I don't think anyone will convince me that it is something special. To watch cars go around in circles at high speeds numerous times sounds more like a twisted no escape episode of the Twilight Zone.

I voiced my opinion to some of my co-workers yesterday and they assured me that there is strategy in this God awful sport. Although none of them seemed to elaborate on such strategies, I decided I would sit down and try to figure out what some of the strategies would be.

1. Make sure you pee before the race starts.
- I don't think I have ever seen a race where someone came in last because they had to pull over and take a whizz. Even if I had to go, I think that it would be more motivation to come in first place just because I would have to go so bad. Maybe the bathroom is where all the other drivers who didn't make the winner's circle go as soon as they finish.

2. Don't drink a lot before the race begins.
- This goes back towards strategic point numero uno. However, if I were racing, I would go knowing that there will be plenty of non-alcoholic beverage being spilled everywhere once the race ends.

3. Bring lot's and lot's of gas.
- If I was a racer, I would probably do my best to get sponsored by Exxon-Mobil or Texaco. Free gas for a large sticker on my hood seems like a genius move to me. It is a lot better than having a Tide logo on the front hood. Last I check, gas was still more expensive the laundry detergent, and laundry detergent doesn't make the car go.

Plus, where are all the global warming peeps on this one? We have HOV lanes to reduce emissions and car companies who are struggling to find ways to use less gas yet they find it in their hearts to tolerate a sport that fills the bank accounts of oil giants.

4. Bring my MP3 player.
- You have to have good tunes on such a long trip. They will definitely help you keep your insanity as you slowly begin to realize around lap 152 that you are ultimately spending your time continuously driving to the same place where you started from. Q: "Are we there yet?" A: "You just passed it for the 151st time, just take the next left and try again."

5. Don't turn right.
- This has to be the most important strategy to winning. Not only is there a wall to the right, you have half-a-million people in the stands waiting for you to make the right turn into the wall. Plus there are several thousand people that decided to bring their home with them to the race and park in the center grass area who would love to collect a souvenir piece of your car if you wreck. I don't think they realize the Wal-Mart does not accept a car door with a Tide logo as a coupon for free detergent. Sorry folks.

And Finally...

6. Get some really talented rain dancers on your pit crew.
- With all the made up hype behind this sport, today's race actually wasn't much a race at all. The rain placed a delay on the race and then was ultimately ended. The winner was the driver in first place once the rain started to pour. Therefore, if I ever made it to first place, I would send the dancers out to do their thing. I am not sure if it would work, but watching people trying to rain dance is more entertaining than watching cars go in circles.